Nuclear lad

[Lew Bronstein]

From the WTFO department:

Date: Wed, 05 May 2010 1724 +0500
From: testban@hathway.com (@hathway.com is a known open relay)
Subject: GOOD DAY DEAR FRIEND
Reply-to: cern_helplinenews@londonmail.com


Dear Friend,
How are you? I hope all is well with your family, friends and pets. I hope this urgent mail meets you in a perfect
condition. We have no time to waste regarding the information I am about to tell you, it is an urgent and serious

matter.

My name is Professor FRANK, senior data analyst here at the CERN institute based here in Geneva
(http://public.web.cern.ch/public/) CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, is one of the world’s
largest and most respected centres for scientific research. Its business is fundamental physics, finding out what the Universe is made of and how it works. You may have seen on the news that, in recent days, our Large Hadron Collider machine has been colliding high-speed beams of energy in order to explore new physics and understand how the universe began. CERN have been adamant that this is safe, however I KNOW THE TRUTH.
The truth is that this experiment that CERN are conducting is extremely dangerous, and could cause global disaster.
This experiment has a 95% of causing a black hole, thus swallowing a large area of the planet. The scientists do not want you to know this as they know it will cause panic.

However, I can help you.

I am arranging for a number of selected people to be evacuated to a safe location on an island in the South Pacific via aeroplane. You have been selected from random to take part in this evacuation, thus continuing the survival of
the human race.
Please, if you are interested, email me back immediately with the following information:

Full name:
Age:
Contact number:
Country:
Email address:

Please send all emails to my private box:>> cern_helplinenews@londonmail.com
Regards, and God bless.
Professor MILLER

Who says lads are not creative?!

[Lufix]

Now that is creative indeed. I'd almost respect his creativity.

[Lew Bronstein]

This is what one baiter reported about this format:

Of course this is utter nonsense, but we simply HAD to reply to find out the full extent of the scam. (NOTE: We do not advocate replying to scam emails. We use disposable email addresses that hide our location for this purpose) We quickly received a badly worded email asking for £3,000 for each flight to the island, to be sent by Western Union wire transfer to an “evacuation coordinator” in Mumbai.

This format is so weird on so many levels. I mean, starting with:

I hope all is well with your family, friends and pets.

This lad must be British, right?

And then:

This experiment has a 95% of causing a black hole, thus swallowing a large area of the planet.

Assuming that was true, those brilliant scientists would face a 95% chance of putting themselves out of a job, not to speak of their lives...

Whatever this guy is on, it must be pretty strong stuff.

[Saucer]

Hilarious!

[Sheridan]

How does a black hole miss part of a planet? Even if it did though, how habitable would the remaining bit be? On the up side of course there is no point in holding on to your $3000 either way.

[Fungus]

Since when did you ever know a lad to use logic? Anyway he hasn't answered me yet so maybe he's vanished up his own hole.

[ppalmr]

Originally Posted by Fungus

....so maybe he's vanished up his own hole.

LMFAO!!!!! OOOooo

[Frazzle]

Actually, this news isn't all bad.

You see, I already live on a South Pacific island.
Anyone want to sleep on my sofa?

Of course, there's lots of questions to ask, so I'm in for a bait on this one.

1. I wonder how much of the world will disappear?

2. Is there time to go on holiday in Europe beforehand, do you think? I'd love to see France before it collapses into an infinitesimally small speck.

3. Will the Swiss, French, Italian, etc teams be disqualified from the World Cup if their countries no longer exist? Perhaps now's the time to put $100,000 on New Zealand to win the tournament?

4. Maybe someone should refer the lad to the book "Stark", by the well-known scientist Ben Elton.

5. Obviously it would be prudent to shift my millions out of my Swiss bank account. In fact, I'm going to borrow millions from the gnomes of Zurich in the knowledge that there's a 95% chance I won't have to pay it back. I'm going to spend the cash on cornering the market on stinky Ementhaler cheese ... obviously there's going to be a shortage in the future. Should I buy up large now on Camembert as well? Parmesan? Gouda? Stilton? Zamorana? Feta?

Hopefully I'll get an answer to question 1 shortly.

[Sheridan]

I sent a copy to CERN's press office. Somebody is bound to press the wrong button now. Oh bugger.

[Lew Bronstein]

Originally Posted by Lew Bronstein

Who says lads are not creative?!

OK, I take it all back.

It turns out the CERN format is the work of fellow baiter El Scorcho over at 419eater who was posing as a fellow lad and let them have access to his "format".

He also managed to get a Nigerian lad to send out the following "anal implant" format:

Dear friend,

How are you on this fine day? I hope this email finds you in good
condition, good spirits, STI-free and pleasantly drunk. Please read
carefully what I am about to tell you, I got your email from an online
friend who has worked with you in the past.

My name is Jack Banks, I am a senior producer here at MuteMusic
Productions. I have worked with some of the top names in the music
industry in my 40 year career, names like Rick Astley, Gary Glitter, Mr.
Blobby and more recently, dance-punk band Test Icicles. We have studios
based all over the world, ranging from Nepal to New Zealand.

In recent months, myself and my team have been developing a new kind of
music – music for the deaf. We have pumped a lot of our own money
into this work, and feel we are now at a point where we are confident that
it works. This is how it works in simple terms; The patient is given a
small microchip that is implanted into their anus. This, when hooked up to
our specially developed ‘iDeaf’ mp3 player, allows the
recipient to hear music in high-quality 320kbit/s bitrate.

Right now, we are looking for both musicians and investors to help us out.
We have come to you as I have been informed you have a reputation either
musically or in terms of investment. I hope that we can work together in
some form.

If you are willing to help this project, please email me back at:

jack_banks148@yahoo.com

Regards, and have a nice day
Mr. Jack Banks.

[MdeRooy]

[Grassy Knoll]

Dance-Punk band... "Test Icicles" <---------- that's a good one